New Stuff

This September has started with some new changes for me.

1) I work at a different middle school from the one I was at for the last two years. I'm still in the same position -- Learning Support Services -- except I'm concentrating on just Grade 7s, whereas before I was servicing International Students, students with autism, and students with cerebral palsy across all three grade levels. My caseload this year includes one visually impaired student and the rest are mainly students with learning disabilities, moderate and mild intellectual disorders, and chronic health. Our entire LSS staff is new, but we each bring various levels of experience and knowledge, so I'm confident in the strength of our team.

2) I'm starting my second year serving youth group at church. This year, we've called ourselves SOAR for "Sold Out and Radical." The direction we want to take is going to be more God-centred; the focus had always been on God, but now we want to challenge students to take a dive into really making a serious commitment to growing in Christ in their every day lives, rather than just skimming the surface of God's character. Last year we had a number of students who invited a big number of their friends and just hung out at youth, but most without caring for the youth group's main purposes. The leaders still enjoyed being with these teens because of who they are individually, but because a lot of these students were just there for the sake of being out of the house, we had to deal with a lot of discipline issues. As a leadership team, we struggled with the notion of "weeding" out kids by changing the focus of our program, but we hope that with God's blessing, we are able to provide a safe environment of in-depth and life-changing experience to the youth. Because there are a few other youth groups in Mission, and some of our youth attend those other youth groups as well (one group is as big as over 100 students), we want to encourage them to continue going to those ones.

3) On the Sunday of Labour Day weekend, my sister and I went to PNE. This is the first time I've been to PNE with D and the first time we double-dated with my sister! I promised not to grill her boyfriend too much, but I'm glad that he's just such a friendly and social guy anyway that I wouldn't have to turn up the interrogation quite as much as I have on her previous boyfriends (and my husband). He also scored some brownie points when he won a doll for her. In the game where he won this, he had to shoot a whiffle ball at a stack of plastic cups completely off the stand; he won on his second attempt. It was quite heavy, but he lugged it around in the rain anyway. If he charged $10 for every question and comment that he received about the cow, he would have over $100. I won a stuffed toy for myself, winning in the Whack-A-Mole game. It's my favourite game along with the horse-racing game, which my sister won this year; she got a stuffed bear with underwear over his head.

All-Day Kindergarten

I came across this interesting news article today, but what spiked my interest were the 18 pages worth of comments. The most heated arguments centred around the quality of child care, home-schooling versus public schooling, and how parents should parent.

There were differing opinions on the quality of daycare and public/private schools. I agreed 100% with one reader (a parent who stays at home with young kids) who said that the quality of education that daycares or kindergarten classes provide depends on the philosophy on which the education was formed and delivered. I've seen daycare workers who sit in lawn chairs and read magazines or chatting with each other while "supervising" kids. I have also seen daycare workers who work extremely hard in a structured setting, ensuring safety and education for the kids. The same could be said for some teachers, and for that matter, parents.

Many responses come from parents who home-school their children. I do not have a problem with parents who homeschool their children, but I will when some of those parents call other parents who send their kids to daycare selfish. My husband and I have discussed schooling for our kids, even before we discussed if we were going to have any kids at all. My husband could support the three of us, but it would be tight. Plus, I do enjoy my career and I would go back to work even if I had a kid -- that does not mean that I love my child less than the parent who stays home to be with his/her kids. I have taught students who have been home-schooled for more than ten years of their lives and they absolutely floundered in school (private and public, I've seen both). I have also worked with children who have been home-schooled almost all their lives (up to age 17) and they are completely capable individuals. Again, it goes back to the structure surrounding the education of the child. One response went as far as to say, "...working parents make the choice to work because of their desire to 'get ahead'." Um....what? A lot of people I know who are parents go back to work because they HAVE to, not because they want to be first in the rat race. Like I said, my husband and I could live off of one income, and we don't do too badly comparatively, but it would be tight and we are not the type of people who live from paycheque to paycheque. I cannot speak for other people, but I do NOT go back to my job just to get ahead of the game. I'm not even sure how to do that as a teacher (and not considering becoming an administrator, either); if I go back to work, it wouldn't be because I'm ambitious.

Some others have also argued that 5-year-olds cannot handle all-day kindergarten. Perhaps, they have other reasons behind this statement. Again, playing Devil's Advocate, I would like to point out that research has shown that "by age three, children's brains are twice as active as those of adults" (Shore, R. Rethinking the Brain). Follow any two- or three-year-old around and you'll be amazed at how articulate and complex they really are. A group of linguists and psychologists of Harvard University did a study in the early 1980s and in one particular case where 122 transcripts were recorded of a two-year-old talking to herself after her parents put her to bed, they found that toddlers' "prattle" is significantly more advanced than thought by adults (Nelson, K. Narratives from the Crib). If enough engaging activities are balanced with downtime, then I believe 5-year-olds are more than capable of handling all-day kindergarten.

What is also distressing me while reading these comments ("then stop reading them" my inner voice says), are people who aim to direct others how to parent. No two families are exactly alike; there may be groups of parents who have similar parenting styles. So many comments are generalized and some are even extreme. I'm ok with people who post comments based on their own experience, but comments like "this policy just encourages more single-parent families and separates kids from families" or "parents are denying themselves the nurturing responsibilities they are entitled to as the creator of a life in favour of the states [sic] indoctrination" make me chuckle in a humourless way. On that note, my blog entry today is a discussion, but it is not meant to condemn anyone.

As with everything else, there are exceptions and factors that contribute to the success of a particular event, in this case, a child's education in private and public child care. This news article certainly generated a heated debate, but it is, after all, an age-old debate. I welcome discussion until comments become scathing remarks toward persons of different beliefs. I may be impartial, but I do believe that the government is going in the right direction with funding all-day kindergarten, helping to ensure a solid educational foundation for our children.

Turning a Frown Upside Down

My interesting day overall ended on an incredible note.

One of my autistic students broke a school rule that compromised his safety. He didn't do it maliciously, although he did it intentionally. The principal and I talked to the student about this matter and later I chatted with my student privately about how there would not be a next time. The situation had been dealt with swiftly, but only time will tell if what we discussed gets through to this student.

Another thing was that our school underwent a global review. It sounds serious, but every school gets a review every year. What it basically entails is ensuring that paperwork and programs are all in place for all the designated students we have in our school. Our school's reviewer is a wonderful person, very knowledgeable, and very compassionate, plus our school is known for keeping good records, so I wasn't too worried. Our learning services team is full of people who really care to dot their i's and cross their t's. We're OCD that way. Despite all that, preparing for this global review was a daunting task, partly because we are also in the middle of creating progress reports for all of our students and partly this was in addition to the teaching services we provide for students on a daily, regular basis.

After an exhausting day at work, I tried to prepare for my youth group. Tonight's program was different in that the youth leaders decided to take a day out of our regular schedule to set guidelines for behaviour. I volunteered to lead the whole group and explain what our agenda was going to be before we split up into smaller groups. Because of the day I had, I didn't feel mentally prepared for what we had planned. I had butterflies in my stomach and worried that I would stutter and tell really lame jokes, which I tend to do whenever I get nervous. God allowed me opportunities to connect with some of the youth tonight that I hadn't planned on being with at all.

• Two of the teens were sort of hiding out during games time and because I was also using that time to settle my nerves and go over my notes, I found the chance to chat with them and get to know them better.
• I deliberately sought out a girl whom I've wanted to talk to about her attitude and behaviour. She was really receptive to what I had to say, so I was pleased I got that chance to talk to her.
• I followed up with another teen to let him know that I really noticed a positive change in how he acts during youth group. He's still goofy, which we all love, but he's learned not to take his clownish behaviour too far.
• I chatted with a girl about looks and let her know that people would find her attractive and that her family loves her no matter what.

These connections made me feel more confident in what we were doing as a youth group. I hope these kids found something meaningful in our discussion tonight. I strongly believe, though, that kids will respect us and rules more if we make meaningful conversations and connections with them. Best of all, the guidelines were created by the teens themselves, so they get to feel ownership of the youth group and not view it as something the adults made up for them. I truly feel blessed by these teens and the hard-working volunteer youth leaders who help guide them.

Sometimes, it seems like when I do something deliberately, it doesn't always work, but God always finds a way to remind me He's got everything under control.

Be Careful With What You Post

I read an article today about a bus driver who was fired over what could be perceived as questionable comments on his blog. The bus driver wanted to discuss the challenges of being a bus driver, while the company felt that he was very critical of how the business was being managed.

As for myself, I have written entries about trials and triumphs I face as a teacher. There are some issues I choose not to talk about on my blog like the FSA's (Foundation Skills Assessment) or teaching Social Justice 11/12 in schools because they are politically-charged. I love a good debate when everyone participates respectfully, but some things should be said in person because much can be misconstrued when they are written, especially online! I certainly would not want to get fired because of my perception of what constitutes as honest and candid recollections of life as a teacher.

Besides, isn't what happened to the bus driver a form of censorship? When is it necessary to silence someone's need to vent or speak his/her mind over an issue in a personal forum? I hope I haven't overstepped boundaries, but at the same time, I hope I would have the integrity and audacity to speak out for something (or someone) that I think is valuable to know and worth fighting for.

One Day at a Time

Today was one of those days when I felt so stressed out, I cried.

Sometimes, when students had a rough day, I allow them to let it all out. But, then they must come up with at least two good things that happened to them on the same day.

One of the things I had to deal with at work, which has been ongoing since the beginning of the school year, is dealing with the noise in the hallways after the bell has rung. Then, gently I encourage the students to get into their classrooms. Sometimes, I feel being gentle does not do the trick and I become the ogre I dread turning into. Today, some girls were shrieking in the washroom and I had to call them out because other classes were in session, plus my office happened to have the honour of directly facing the washroom entrances. Ever see clowns pile out of a mini car? FOURTEEN girls came piling out of the girls' washroom.

"Why are there so many of you? There are only three stalls in there! And why were you screaming? Is your hair on fire?"
Their excuse? "We were just changing out of/into our PE clothes." And of course, there were a lot of "I wasn't the one who was screaming" going around.

I know they were just trying to have fun, but there's a time and a place for everything. As much as I think these girls, who have been spoken to several times previously about moving and talking around the school in lower decibels, need to take responsibility for their actions, I do think that part of my issue has to do with their teachers who stay inside their classrooms while their students run amok in the hallways. And as much as I would like to ask these teachers to speak to their students about respecting others, I don't think that would really work and I don't want to complain unless I had more viable solutions to offer.

Anyway, here are the two good things that happened:

1) There is one particular Grade 6 boy I got the privilege of knowing this year. He is almost always cheerful and his amusing curiosity never fails to make me laugh. His delight in something quite simple really made my day.

He came into my office, all flustered (as he usually is) because he wanted some help in completing an assignment. It turned out to be a crossword puzzle and he needed a five-letter answer for one of the remaining clues he had. Eventually, we found out the answer in an atlas: Omaha. When he found out, he just stared at me with amazement before breaking into a huge grin.

"O--MA--HA?!?"
I laughed at his expression. "Yes, the answer is Omaha."
"OMAHA!!!!" And he giggled. Then, he doubled over with laughter before writing down the answer. Then he bowed to me multiple times, all the while repeating his thanks over and over and laughing. He was so grateful to have found the answer, but I still don't quite know why he was laughing so hard over it. After he left, an overwhelming silence filled my office, the same kind of silence one would hear in the theatre after the last vibration of a violin ebbs. I couldn't help, but smile myself. How awesome a child's laughter is.

2) I'm still alive...
... to hear a child laugh
... to savour each delicious morsel of food that my husband prepared for me
... to seize another day

Anger Issues

This morning on my way to work, I might have seen one of the worse cases of road rage in a long time.

I was approaching the Mission-Abbotsford bridge when an F250 or Dodge truck that was towing a trailer behind it came up behind me fast and started tail-gating me. I wanted to lane change, but I saw a logging truck merging onto the bridge, so I stayed in the left and sped up to 140km (I know, it's so bad of me) to give myself room away from the truck driver. I kind of lost him on the curve, but when we got onto the bridge, I saw it coming up close to me again. This time, I was able to find a spot and lane change to the right, so the truck could pass me. I slowed down to 100km (it's 80km limit on the bridge and highway) and watched as the truck sped away from me. Good riddance...or so I thought.

As I approached a slower car, I lane-changed to the left; there were two other cars ahead of me. As we drove along the bend, I spotted that crazy truck driver again, this time tail-gating a Jetta in the right lane. Either he couldn't get back in the left lane or he had to turn right at the next intersection, but he was following that Jetta at about 80km pretty closely. I passed him and expected him to lane-change behind me, but he didn't, so I figured that he was going to turn right eventually. As we approached the next intersection, I lane-changed in front of the Jetta with about five car lengths between us and I stopped at the red light. Just before our light turned green, I saw the truck driver pull into the right-turn lane and I figured "Yup, there he goes. At least, he's out of everyone's hair now." The light turns green and I began to drive forward. With the Jetta still several metres away from me, I saw in my rearview mirror, the truck driver all of a sudden pull back into our lane behind me. As I pulled away, I watched with bewilderment as the truck driver slammed on his brakes, his front end lurching forward and his trailer swerving slightly to the side. The driver quickly got out of his truck almost as fast as the Jetta driver did and they both ran toward each other. Because I was already driving away on the highway, I couldn't see clearly if they got into a fist fight or just exchanged heated words. I didn't pull over because I was too far away already. I just hope both drivers are ok and maybe one or both have learned a lesson about driving etiquette.

Later today, I was doing an activity with my students on moral dilemma. The world is about to end and we have to choose only five out of fourteen people to start a new world. There were people like a doctor, supermodel, and farmer on the list. After the students had some time to choose their own five, we went through the class and polled who should be saved. When we got to "religious leader," no one voted for this person. When I asked why not, as I did with the other occupations, I randomly picked a hand that went up and she said, "Because there is no God." Immediately, a thick blanket of tension covered the room. Timidly, another girl spoke up to say, "Yeah, I feel the same."

Both these girls are very different from each other, but both have had to deal with their anger in class before. Neither had very good social skills, but both were very, very stubborn when they wanted to be. I had to fight so hard to say, "Yes, there is and He loves you! You only say that because you haven't felt much love in your life and so you think there is no God!" But, I bit my tongue. The reason why there was some tension was partly because Abbotsford is known to be the Bible Belt of the Fraser Valley. Partly, the tension was there because this girl who made the remark is a very strong-headed girl and the other students have either seen or even known her wrath.

Here was my Christian-Teacher response to the class:

"That is her opinion, ladies and gentlemen. Everyone here is entitled to an opinion, but I would like to challenge you to make your opinions educated ones. D_____ has said that there is no God because that is her experience. [I looked over at her and she nodded slightly at me.] I respect that and we all should respect each other's viewpoints. But, do not let only your own experiences dictate what you believe. Find out as much as you can before you make a bold statement."

And then I somehow segued my speech back to the assignment and the tension slowly lifted.

As a teacher, I feel that my role is to direct my students to discover for themselves information about all that they wonder. I will provide the tools, they will have to use them to find answers. But as a Christian teacher, even though I want so badly to tell my students how much Jesus loves them and wants to show them that they and their gifts are so valuable, I have to be careful with what I say to my charges in this politically-correct-crazy society.

At the end of the day, my heart felt so heavy for those girls who claimed that there is no God. I realize that they have so much anger because they do not have the peace that only God can provide. That the truck driver acting out on his anger presents a convincing argument that if there is no God and we are to rely on ourselves to make this world go round, we are in deep trouble. I'm so aware that Christians are not perfect people; that I am subjected to my own temper from time to time, although I'm sure that I've got a much, much better handle on it now than I did when I was younger. But, the peace, the joy, and the calming presence of One who is greater than any trial I have and will face have helped me to discover that life is too precious to waste on being angry at someone or to try to make someone else's life miserable to make mine look better.

Tonight, I have some very specific people to pray for. Do you?

Kids, Kids, and More Kids

Last kid-filled week was very hectic for me. In addition to teaching and preparing for summer school during the day, I have also been preparing and managing Vacation Bible School in the evenings at my church.

For almost two weeks, the summer school students and I have made peace with each other and I had really enjoyed teaching them. Currently, the biggest challenge my students are facing is their inability to cooperate with one another. For example, for the first time in five years of using a customized Jeopardy game to test knowledge of the eight parts of speech, I have discovered that these students don't know how to compromise, share, and cooperate with each other. Even my students with learning disabilities knew how to work together to win the game. These summer school students, on the other hand, either broke down in tears or waged war with each other. Fortunately, a bigger portion of my students understood that the game was a fun way to review and found value in the activity, but I was quite surprised at how some of the students simply refused to listen to each other.

Another case in point: I assigned a group-reading activity for this week. Each group consists of seven students and their mission is to read a story (different from the other groups), complete a story map for the story, and then act out the story for their other classmates. Today, their only task was to read the story and they decide in their group whether to read the story out loud together or to read the story silently to themselves before convening the next day to complete the story map. One girl refused to work with the others in her group and was quite defiant with me when I encouraged her to sit with the group. I told her that she didn't have to read out loud if she didn't want to, but she was still being very antagonistic. Another group could barely talk to each other without gouging each other's eyes out. "Losers!" "Weirdos!" "Dumb-@#%*" were the exchanged words through their tears, fists, and pouts. One group had some gender-tension issues, but at least they were able to separate themselves from their silliness to almost finish reading their assigned story, albeit in their boys versus girls cluster.

In VBS, I dealt with not only a much younger audience, but also a small staff of 30+ volunteers. We had over eighty kids each night and on the night when we had the most kids, we had to make do with the largest shortage of volunteers. It was challenging trying to maintain the kids' attention long enough to say "Jesus," especially in the closing assembly. However, I have to hand it to God to show me just how powerful He is. Despite some "interesting" kids and their very "special" way of expressing how they contribute to VBS, I had really enjoyed my time as director and offered to be director again for next year. Both the senior and associate pastors informally agreed to my offer and so I vowed to start organizing VBS in January 2009 instead of within the last two months when I found out that I was chosen to be director before the program actually kicked off.

I have so much admiration for the parent volunteers who work and support their families and still manage to find time to volunteer at night for VBS. Kudos to them! I was exhausted by Tuesday and Wednesday, but I didn't have a family to worry about (although D threw out his back and had to be treated gently and slowly at home). I'm a little disappointed that not more people could show up to help. I try to understand that everybody has other obligations to attend to, but I look at the ones who could volunteer and wish that if others could try, they would have helped so greatly. Educators and volunteers of other children's programs can attest to what a big difference an extra pair of hands, eyes, or ears can make when dealing with children en masse.

I'm also awaiting the arrival of my god-daughter who was supposed to make her entrance into this world last Saturday, but to our dismay, she's making everyone wait longer in anticipation for her appearance. I'm on standby in case she decides to come out sometime during this week. Yes, I'll commit to going out to Vancouver as soon as I can and drive back for work if I have to.

Added to the Garden

I've added to my garden:
In case you can't read the names, I've got all perennials: Armeria Maritima (2), Aubrieta, Heather (2), Balloon (2), Snow Lady Shasta Daisy, Dwarf Fleece, and Euonymus Fortunei (2). The Heathers and Euonymus Fortuneis bloom year-round, so even in winter, my house will be decorated with some foliage. Although it's still a very tiny garden, I've learned more about gardening since I started in late May; I have raised the flowers with more topsoil and I've been diligent in weeding around my flowers. I also have two annuals, but they were given to me by my mother-in-law and she doesn't know their names, but the red and pink flowers are starting to bloom!

Other things that are blooming in my life:
- I've been busy buying, decorating, promoting, and registering for VBS, which starts this Monday.


- I went for a job interview for the job I had held for the past ten months; I think the interview went well, but we'll see if I will get re-hired. When I first started this job, it was listed as a temporary position, which is why I've been laid off in the first place. Now, it's listed as a continuing contract, so if I get this job, I could stay in it permanently -- if I choose to.

- Summer school is going well. I was worried because other teachers have warned me about the kind of students I will be getting. Indeed I have one student designated as "Intense Behaviour," but by Thursday, he was actually one of the better-behaved students! I like my class of 21 students and I hope I make a positive impact on them by the end of the summer school program.

- I went to a spa and got my first pedicure! D got me a spa package for Valentine's Day and since the gift certificate expires at the end of this month, I had to get it done this weekend because I have been busy almost every weekend until now and I'll be busy for the other weekends this month. I've had a massage done once before, but never a facial and a pedicure. The facial was the best part, although I went home and washed out the creamy gunk that was put on my face. I've never had a pedicure done before either and what a treat! I chose a nail colour and didn't realize until later that it was called Princess for a Day. I never thought of myself as a diva, but today the nail colour was quite fitting as I felt so pampered and spoiled at the spa today.
This isn't a very good picture, what with the ugly old blister on my right daddy toe and the tan lines, but I think the nail colour stands out -- sparkly pink.

In Two Weeks

Since my last post on June 8:

1. Two of my friends got baptized. One of them was even recommended by two of our pastors to follow the calling of full-time ministry. What an honour, even if that might not be the path of his choice.

2. A defamatory article in one local newspaper marred the image of my school and my administrators. The backlash of this article came in the form of overwhelming support for our administrators and a stronger, positive staff culture.

3. The person who gave information to the newspapers confessed to me. We talked about forgiveness and perspective.

4. My sister and I attended her first and my third Cirque du Soleil show -- Corteo. My favourite acts included a human trapeze act (He-Man would look puny standing next to the male performers) and the floating midget. I don't know if that's the PC term for it, but the female midget floated on four giant balloons into the audience. A ringleader encouraged audience members to help her stay afloat and the laughs ensued from her reaction to people pushing her in uncomfortable and sometimes scary ways.

5. During Father's Day, we had dinner at a Chinese restaurant that took too many reservations. Many patrons, including all of us at our table, sat on folding chairs and extra tables, including ours, were set up where there should have been walking paths. The food was good, but I forget how busy Mother's Day and Father's Day can get at restaurants.

6. VBS is looming and I still haven't done a thing.

7. Report cards are finally done. Now on to transition papers, class lists, personal record cards, and inventory while still providing service to my ESL and autistic students. Lately, two of my high-needs kids have been throwing tantrums on a daily basis. The latest one occurred because the teacher wanted to show Shrek 2 in class and since my student already owns it, she didn't want to see it again "because I could watch it anytime I want and I want to watch a different movie!" Spoiled? Not if you're autistic.

8. I've been hired for a summer school position. I struggled with accepting the job, but I was given only one hour to decide. To accept meant increasing my seniority and having income during the summer that I otherwise wouldn't have, except through EI. But, I had applied last month and was rejected two weeks after my application. I changed my mindset to holidaying with my hubby, babysitting my neighbour's adorable son, spending time with my parents, hanging out with my sister before she leaves for China for one month, welcoming my godchild, tutoring, concentrating on VBS, and doing odds and ends around the house. Because this year is the first year that summer school is free, there are more applicants than there are programs, so extra teachers have to be hired and I was next on the list after a few other rejected applicants turned down the offer. It doesn't help that I found out I'll be teaching reading, writing, and math to Grade 6-7 students who have an inner-city mentality. I hate to say that I regret taking the job when I haven't even started it yet, but I regret even more that I'm not very good at saying no to people.

9. My garden grew! This my very first and humble garden. I plan to plant more soon, but I wanted to start small because I didn't quite know what I was doing.













Before (May 26):



















After (June 20):

My Brain Has Turned to Mush

Being a transponster hasn't been easy these past couple of weeks. Year-end preparations include several meetings and tons of paperwork. On top of that, I continue to teach nine International students and four Autistic students, plus manage the caseload for my two Physically Dependent students and teach one class of PE.

On Tuesday, I had four meetings to attend, two of them outside of the school. I have written notes, PowerPoint papers, and free manipulatives all over one of the two tables I have in my room.

On Wednesday, I went on an all-day field trip with some of my International students and some of the First Nations students, which was really nice to finally take a break from transition preparations. We went to the Hiwus Cultural Centre in North Vancouver. They were very generous and I think the kids had fun, but next time I'll go somewhere more local and less expensive.

On Thursday, I had two of my Autistic students have a "meltdown," but while I dealt with them in the morning, I had to deal with a potential bullying incident all afternoon for another Autistic student. Thankfully, the bullying incident turned out less malicious than we originally thought and the issue was resolved, but only after separate interviews with nine students. I am incredibly blessed to have two very intelligent and understanding people help me out during all these incidents. Without them, I think I would have gone bonkers.

Today, I spent all day dealing with one of my Autistic students and her "meltdown," but even though the problems ceased by lunchtime, she wanted to stay in my office with me instead of going back to her regular classrooms. So, we set up a little office space in the corner of my room just for her to work in. Then after school, I attended a 2.5hr long meeting for one student who is coming to my school next year. After that, I went back to the school to work until 8pm. And I didn't even get to half the things I was hoping to get done by the end of this week.

Speaking of "my school next year," I may not even be there next year. It turns out that because I started working two weeks into the school year, I missed the full 10-month contract that allows me to go on the lay-off list. It sounds absurd, but I actually want to be on the lay-off list because my current status puts me beneath them. That means, as of June 30, 2008, my contract terminates and I go back to being a TOC. So, my job is offered first to teachers who are coming back from a leave-of-absence, then to teachers on the lay-off list, and finally, if no one on either of those two lists snatch up the job, the job is publicly posted for which I can apply for again. The only question I have now is how much seniority I have now after working nearly ten months at the school district. I'm a little choked because the reason why I started working only after school has started is because the school board office gave my current principal the wrong phone number. So, I had applied for this job in August, the principal called the wrong number more than once, the person he had been calling finally called back to say that he's been getting the wrong person, he calls back to the school board office, the SBO see their mistake and gives the principal the right number, the principal calls me, and I get hired that same day he called. So, technically, it's the school board office's fault that I missed getting on the lay-off list.

Oh well. Actually, I'm in a better position to find a job that I'm actually trained for. Since graduating from UBC with my B.Ed., I have substituted twice for an English teacher in a secondary school. That has been my pathetic experience as an English teacher. However, the wealth of knowledge I gained teaching at an elementary school for kids with learning disabilities and being a Student Services teacher at a middle school is phenomenal and I hope I do get a second chance to work at my current school. This first year was a learning curve; I can't wait to have fun now that I know what I want to do and what I will not do the second time around.

I'm blessed with supporters who have gone to the higher-ups on their own accord to request that I stay at the middle school as Student Services teacher. I'm quite humbled by their advocating spirit. I'm sure the next person that gets hired in my job will be very good if not excellent and I'm sure that God will lead me to another amazing teaching opportunity somewhere else if I don't stay at my current school.

I sure will miss my kids, though.

Grading Practices That Must Go

The MYABC Conference in Penticton was the first in middle school conferences I have attended and I hope it won't be the only one. One of the workshops I went to was so dynamic and inspirational that I couldn't stop raving about it; the conversation carried on even to the next day. I'm sure there will be more talk to come because my colleagues who attended the same workshop were awed by it, too.

The title of the workshop, "Middle/High School Grading in the 21st Century: Developing Staff Fluency, Capacity, and Willingness" didn't seem too exciting. Most workshops about assessment are usually very dry. However, the message I got out of this workshop was powerful and potentially controversial. In a nutshell, the presenters challenged the current grading practices. The presenters were excellent speakers and I could tell they were very passionate about what they were teaching us.

I can't share everything for that will take over two hours to explain, but let me give you, especially the teachers, a snippet of what changes were proposed. For example, reducing scores for late assignments is a practice done for a number of years. I'm not sure where the rule of "10% off for each day the assignment is late" came from, but it doesn't make sense and in my own teaching practices, I have abolished this way of marking. Let's just say a student handed in a paragraph that met all expectations and if he handed it in on time, he would've gotten 5 out of 5. Unfortunately, he handed it in 3 days late, for whatever reason. If I deducted one mark off for each day, then this student would've failed that assignment despite having demonstrated that he understood the properties and style of that paragraph.

Here's another grading practice that must go: assigning a "0" for work not handed in. Here is a list of a student's assignments and her scores:

73%, 69%, 54%, 52%

On average, the student receives a 62% for her four assignments. Let's say I assign one more assignment this term and she neglects to hand it in. The zero I give her will bring her down to 49.6% -- a fail! But, what does that tell me? Zeros can't tell me what she knows. Education is about learning, but this zero isn't giving me a proper assessment on her knowledge and ability. Here's my case in point: suppose I attempt to shoot a basketball into the net ten times in a row. In the first day, I miss the rim every time, so my score is 0. The next day, I miss the backboard and I get another 0. With more practice, however, I improve. Here's my score in ten days:

0, 0, 0, 2, 4, 5, 8, 10, 10, 10

Did I improve? YES! Have I learned to shoot a basketball? YES! But, mathematically, I FAILED! This also brings another practice into question, which is to grade homework. Homework should be considered as practice. In my basketball example, my practices helped me gain confidence and improve on my technique, so ultimately, I have achieved my goal of shooting a basketball. If I graded my practice shots the same way I grade homework, I would've been so discouraged by the third day that I would've just given up. Should I be surprised that my at-risk students stop caring about their schoolwork? And if my student is showing zeros by the third day, that should be a signal to me that I have to communicate with this student and support my student pro-actively to get her assignments in on time.

Earlier, I said that the topic of changing grading practices can become controversial. The reason is because it changes the way teachers make assessments. The obstacle for me in particular? I'm a Student Services Teacher who supports students in the classroom and some classroom teachers I collaborate with are pretty stubborn in their ways. I've had a few head-butting discussions about student support with a few teachers and even with a few teaching assistants that just get me frustrated. The presenters have fully prepared us for the kinds of questions that other colleagues will ask because one of the presenters is a History 12 classroom teacher who has piloted this project for the last two years and he has been challenged in the most unexpected, but not surprisingly, ways. Thankfully, my administrators attended this same workshop and they are 100% in support of this change in grading practices. It will be interesting to see what the reactions will be to this change, whenever that happens.

Misunderstood

The other item was on a bookshelf. It was a tiny wagon about the size of my fist. It was made of wood and looked like it might have been an antique toy. It was piled high with pebbles. Several other pebbles lay about the wagon wheels.
I pointed to it. "You collecting stones, or what?"
"It's my happy wagon," she said. "Actually, it could just as well be called an unhappy wagon, but I prefer happy."
"So, what's it all about?"
"It's about how I feel. When something makes me happy, I put a pebble in the wagon. If I'm unhappy, I take a pebble out. There are twenty pebbles in all."
...
"How close to empty did the wagon ever get?" I said.
"Oh..." She turned her face to the ceiling, closed her eyes. "Once, down to three."
I was shocked. "Really? You?"
She stared. "Why not me?"
"You don't seem the type."
"What type is that?"
"I don't know..." I groped for the right words.
"The three-pebble type?" she offered.

Stargirl is the type of character that I believe we all are within ourselves. Some of us are just sprinkled with this sort of stardust, some of us are as dusty as the desert. The story setting begins in an ordinary school with ordinary students. Plain Janes and Joes. They're not boring or anything, but they are characters each one of us may identify with. Stargirl's reputation preceded her actual appearance in the novel -- she is someone who is eccentrically delightful, someone who could not be linked to any one person that I know, but that we all can see just parts of her within ourselves.

One of Stargirl's problems is not with her, but how others perceived her. Her intentions are misunderstood by the students around her who don't quite know what to do with her ukulele-played birthday songs, her cheering for the other team, her attendance at a funeral of someone she doesn't really know, her lack of concern for what others think. She's for everyone and yet she's for no one. She's this wonderful person that everyone hated. She was stoned with her own happy pebbles.

I don't think I'm Stargirl, but on Friday and all through the weekend, I feel hated despite trying to have good intentions. I would've taken two pebbles out of my wagon.

On Friday, what I had thought was advocating for one of my students turned into an offensive comment toward my colleague's professionalism. She felt that I undermined her ability to provide a safe environment for our students. In my eyes, I was merely trying to inform her why my student might have a "freak out" in her classroom. He was scared by the content she showed him in class on Friday, so I went to talk to her about it. That's when I felt that my words were misconstrued. I never intended to pass judgment on her teaching; I only wanted to look out for ways to change the environment so that my student would feel safe. She demanded to know why, if he was so scared, did he continue to stay in the classroom? Why didn't he say anything or ask to leave? I tried to tell her that the nature of the beast we call Autism prevents him from being able to express himself properly and that teachers must look out for their students, learn to initiate for them some of the things they couldn't themselves. She said she couldn't change the content just for him. I said she didn't have to. She said I offended her. I apologized for coming across that way. She said, "But you did." Those words stung like a slap to my face. I cried that afternoon. That's one pebble out.

Why I cried, I wasn't sure. When I know someone hates me, I hate myself. I doubt what I can do and what I can be. To make things worse, I came home to an empty house because my husband was on a business trip. I called local friends to see if they wanted to have pizza and watch a movie with me. They were all busy. I thought of calling friends and family in Vancouver/Richmond on the phone, but I was afraid I'd burst into tears and be a burden on them. I called out to God, but the response was more silent than a rock underwater. I was so lonely. That was pebble #2 out.

Things started to look up. I put on some music and danced in my kitchen to "4 in the Morning," "Life is a Highway," and "Lady Marmalade." I took a bubble bath and soaked until the water turned cold. I shaved my legs; now they are as smooth as silk. I ate five Ferrero Rochers.

On Saturday, I dusted and vacuumed the house. I watched Benchwarmers. My husband came home. We had pasta for dinner at a Greek and Roman restaurant, which I have never been to before.

And now Sunday. The climax of worship. God isn't so silent after all.

Tomorrow is another day. Though I am a bit nervous at meeting with my co-workers, fearing that anything I say will now be offensive, I have vowed to return any hostility with kindness. I will continue to say hi to others, yes, even to her. I will turn the other cheek, so to speak.

I hope I will never become the three-pebble type.

"In our minds, we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."

(Thank you, CT, for recommending this book to me.)

To Figure Out a Particular Child

Tell me how to fit a square peg into your circle
I was meant to try and fix you
What an impossible mission
For no Sphinx in this world can contemplate your enigma

Tell me how to walk a straight line
On the path you littered with broken glass
You dare me to dance upon them
For your entertainment
Then dangle the cloth
And cover your face

Tell me how to quench the fire
That feeds on fury and fear
The water I pour
You only drink and leave but a drop
Enough to make me itch but leaves you
With an insatiable appetite

Tell me how every day
We see each other
You make me mad
With love and despair

I will figure you out yet

A Teacher's Secret

Is it a sin to be delighted surreptitiously when a particular student doesn't show up at school?

That's MS. Chan

Today, five of my students asked me if I was married or not. I showed them my wedding ring and then they asked me, "Then why is your name Ms. Chan and not Mrs. Chan?" Two of the girls then proceeded to erase my name on the whiteboard.

"Now, hold on! Why are you erasing my name?"

"'Cuz you're Mrs. and not Ms."

"Ms. doesn't mean I'm single."

"Yeah, it does."

"No, it doesn't. Miss means single and Mrs. means married."

"But, Ms. means Mrs., but without the 'r,' right?"

"No, it doesn't. Ms. means I could be either single or married."

"So, why don't you want people to know you're married?"

"Why do I have to share that information?"

"Well, why not?"

"If men could have Mr., which is ambiguous, why couldn't women have a title that connotes the same?"

"What does ambig-- whatever you said. What does that mean?" "And what does cammote mean?"

(Define)

"Oh." "Why can't we just call you Mrs. Chan? It's way easier."

Hip but not the Hop

My last blog entry was about my first Tai Chi experience and I mentioned that I had also signed up for something else. Today was supposed to my first Hip Hop dance class. I was so psyched up for this class, even though I've been told that I don't really need it, but I signed up for it to see if I was doing the right moves (I certainly don't want to be a dancing version of William Hung) and to have exercise. Apparently, the original instructor couldn't teach it for one reason or another and then the community centre couldn't find someone qualified to teach it, so the class has been canceled. I'm so disappointed! I'm actually surprised that an instructor couldn't be found.

Recently, I've been kept quite busy with work, but at the same time, I'm reminded of why I love my job. First of all, I teach one PE class four days a week. Yesterday, I left work for about two hours to get an eye exam. When I returned to work, I kept my sunglasses on because the solution that was put in my eyes to dilate the pupils made my eyes really sensitive to light. My first class upon returning was PE and all my students huddled around me and chatted up with me, just because I was wearing my sunglasses. Two of my students said I was "hip." I laughed and the other students laughed, more at the fact that those students used the word "hip" even when it wasn't "hip" to say that word anymore. Just laughing and hanging out with the students, knowing that they feel comfortable enough around me, makes me feel so good inside.

Secondly, one of my autistic students is very astute and articulate, so it's not too hard to hold discussions with her despite her many other challenges. After a particularly difficult afternoon yesterday, we talked about her day in my office. I tried to get her to think of the good things she likes about school. She mentioned Movie Club and her best friend and woodworking. Then gently she put a finger on my nose and cried out, "You! I like you!" My heart just melted right there. Then my heart really turned into a puddle when she added, "If I could choose a mom, I would choose you."

Thirdly, today, a parent told me that her daughter said, "Ms. Chan is so cool. She comes to our basketball and volleyball games and she talks to us in the hallways. She's not even our teacher, but she seems so interested in us. Like she actually cares about us!" I thought that was so funny. Of course, I would care about them! I wouldn't be a teacher if I didn't care about these kids.

And finally, the best reminder was today; again it's a child's laugh; it's music to my ears. But this particular laugh that I'm thinking about is extra special because the laugh belongs to a student who is (selectively) mute. Ever since I first met her, we had an instant rapport with one another. She has spoken to me in more words in one class than she has to most of the other teachers in the three years she's been at the school. I'm certainly not the only one with whom she has a rapport, but I'm so privileged that she allowed me into her silent sphere. Today, she hid behind a door as I was walking out of my office and she jumped out to scare me. Indeed I jumped and that made her laugh. I semi-chased after her in the hallways and tickled her and she returned with tickles of her own (which is another amazing feat because she used to scream if another person touches her). She laughed all the way to the washroom where she went to hide from me and then I walked away to the main office. I went in to talk to the secretary and she said to me, "You know, I think that's the first time I heard that girl laugh." That comment made me realize how much my students have matured and how much they trust me.

Another Heartache

One of my duties as a transponster is to teach PE. Each PE class consists of three divisions, one of each grade, and although I'm in charge of teaching one division (Gr. 7), I get to see all the other students in the other divisions.

During such PE times, I got to know a grade 8 girl whom I will call K. K came to our school in early October and because I was the overseer of several students on adapted/modified programs, I was invited to a meeting that concerned K. K was coming to us with more luggage than just her backpack. Her file was 12 inches thick, full of documents from several agencies, including government agencies. What a troubled history she has. After having a half hour meeting about her (she wasn't even there), our team concluded that this girl would require a ton of behavioural and educational support.

When we finally met K, we were surprised to see a smiling girl with a slight frame. This was the girl responsible for all those reports of behavioural issues? As we got to know her, we built a sort of protective shield around her. As she got to know us, she began to trust more adults. She was not the manipulative sort either; we've met those kinds before and we know how they tug at heart strings to get what they want. But, K was different. What she goes through nearly every day is just heartbreaking and for confidential reasons I will not post them. But, every time I see K in PE, my heart fills with warmth for her and if I don't see her, I worry that something bad has happened to her.

One day, she came to school crying. Something major had happened (is still happening, we're waiting for more reports to come to the school) at home that day and she asked to speak to our Grade 8 counselor, the Grade 8 Educational Assistant, and me privately. At the end of it, I was in tears. Then, she exclaimed that all she wanted was to live in a safe house. I wished that I could take her home because I knew I would keep her safe and love her as if she were my own child.

It's kids like K who may find living on the streets preferable to living at home. There are so many people and agencies who are involved with supporting a child who comes from a harsh background. But I think what all this boils down to is being in a real home with a family that will love unconditionally. Everyone has the right to feel like s/he belongs somewhere. I hope K, and others like her, will one day find the safe home she yearns for so much.

Not Always Who They Seem

Those of you who know me know that I love watching The Office. The show has nothing to do with business, but rather it is a show driven by its characters. The actors play quirky, sometimes creepy, sometimes stereotypical, most of the time funny, characters. I think I could relate at least one character to someone I know in real life, idiosyncrasies and all. I feel the same about characters in other shows like Friends or The Simpsons.

But, every so often, viewers get a glimpse into a part of a character that is not usually seen. Dwight Schrute is one of the characters on The Office; he is guilty of being over-zealous about the tasks he's assigned to as second-in-command to the Regional Manager. He likes to be seen as authoritative, but sadly is very naive and gullible. Pranks are often pulled at his expense and because of who he is, viewers frequently get a good laugh out of what is done to him. However, (spoiler coming up) in the last few episodes, Dwight and Angela Martin were going through a very heartbreaking end to their "secret" office romance. Last Thursday, I saw Dwight cry in a way that would cause any man who knows the awful feeling of breaking up with the love of his life to feel the pain all over again. Taking pity on him, or more like showing empathy, another character tries to reason the pain with Dwight. Later, Dwight returns to his stoic, obsessive, power-hungry, know-it-all persona as if his heart was never broken.

Sometimes, when I look at the students we have in my school, I can see a Dwight. Or a Bart or a Phoebe. Being the overseer of Learning Support Services, I have to attend meetings before we accept a new student, especially regarding one with an "impressive" file to know what we're dealing with. Almost all the reports make a kid sound like it was the devil himself coming into our classroom. Sometimes we could be dealing with criminal records, history of abuse, reports of bullying others and being bullied themselves, mental health issues, etc. But, sometimes, after receiving these reports and after meeting and getting to know the kid for a week or two, we find that the devil we dread was really a fallen angel who is just looking for direction to get back to where he/she belongs.

I hear and see a lot of bad stuff going on with some people in the news. And sometimes, I wonder if these people never had someone who took the time to show them the right way. After all, if no one took a chance with me, I think I would continue going down the wrong path until someone falls down and not get back up. Then the media swoops down to show the world the wrong I had committed and not allow the side of me that I wish others could see. I hope that I don't have to see any of my students go through that.

I hope that I am quicker to love than to judge. A Dwight Schrute might come my way and instead of looking at his difficult personality and rolling my eyes, I would look and see a human being with the same feelings I have and learn to love and care for him. It'd be nice if we could all see someone's innocence before we could see his/her guilt and show the care that is really needed all along.

Grace That Overflows

Lately, I have experienced a lot of grace ... or have been in tune with receiving it.

I cried watching a video on Lifehouse that my sister had put on her blog and it made me reflect on the many situations I find myself battling. Then in the end, I realize how it's God who has been fighting my battles for me and with me. Recently, a friend reminded me the definition of grace in Jesus's terms (and it's not God's Redemption at Christ's Expense at this time). He said "...saw something 'new' and good in another person. They had something in them that allowed that growth. Jesus calls it grace." God sees something good in me; even when I don't think I've been good, He allows growth. That is grace. How wonderful!

My job is going great so far. Almost all of my students, including the ones whom I've been warned about by their parents, their case files, previous teachers, and psych-ed reports, have responded really well to my teaching. I'm actually surprised at how well the students and I are relating with each other. Moreover, I'm connecting with other students in the school, even though they are not under my direct care. With over 600 students in the school, I feel really blessed that I get to have that connection with some of them. I'm still trying to figure out all the transponding (thanks for the title C, E, and T) paperwork that needs to be done by the end of this month, but I'm so grateful for supportive colleagues and fun students.

Furthermore, D and I have been consistently going to a church near our house. Last Sunday, we were invited to join a care group for young couples. I'm so excited! I'm a little sad because it reminds me of another care group I have to leave behind because I know they'll be going through a lot of changes and I won't be able to share those with them, but God sees us in our different paths and I know He'll take care of us wherever we are.

I pray that I will continue to see God's grace, despite the difficulties I see happening in my family (dad's illness, mom's fatigue, and my sister's days filled with having to make hard decisions).

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

~~excerpt from Everything by Lifehouse

Update

For the first time since high school, I have watched the entire Emmy Awards show. There were some funny bits, so I don't regret spending the 2.5 hours watching the entertainment.

In other news, I have discovered, or rather others are discovering for me, that I cannot say any words with "ol" in it -- old, cold, gold, whole, etc. Somehow, my tongue cannot glide from the upper back part of my mouth to the upper front smoothly enough for me to form the sound of "ol." My tongue drops halfway. For example, when I say "cold," I sound out "code." Furthermore, I have the tendency to "flap," the act of not fully enunciating the "t" sound and causing it to sound like "d", as in butter. Try to figure out what I'm trying to say: "My brudder, Coby, ate a hoe bag of code goad coins." Talk about FOB. It's a wonder that I've chosen to be an English teacher as my profession. God help those kids.

Speaking of teaching, I have begun my first day as Case Manager/Program-Oriented Guidance Counselor/Teacher of International Students/Learning Assistance Support Team Member. This title I have given myself will not be printed on any business card because no one fully understands what my job description entails. Although it's been exciting and the staff at C&G Howe Middle have been very supportive and friendly, the job position requires a lot of paperwork and public relations management, tasks that I have already deemed daunting. I'm not willing to quit, though; I'd give it at least two years because I'm sure it would take that long for me to get used to it (that is if the district decides to re-hire me for the 2008-09 school year). There have been many jobs in my life that I've tried that was not what I had "trained" for and most of them were fun and taught me valuable lessons. Maybe this will be one of them.