Recently, a few people have talked to me about their reasons for not having kids and when I tell them that I'm one of the many who decided to not have children, we begin to bond and validate each other's desire to be "child-free."Manitoba Agriculture (don't ask) published a research report indicating that the cost of raising a child from age 0-18 is about $193,000 in Canada. This amount does not include piano lessons, private montessori schools, or hockey practice. And I thought my bills now were big.
A (child-free) friend of mine gave me an article to read in Macleans Magazine called "The Case Against Having Kids." Although, I agree with almost every reason it gave for not having kids, I found the article to be very anti-parent. I am not anti-parent; I have nothing against people who find so much joy in their children and are able to take care of them. I am upset that just because my husband and I chose not to have children that people automatically assume either that we have physical problems that prevent us from having children or that we hate kids (hence the "child-free" as opposed to "child-less"). Someone, whom I care about a lot, claimed that we were being selfish (that hurt) for not wanting to have kids and even went as far as to say something like "God created us to procreate and populate the earth and fill it with joy." What is so hard for others to comprehend that not having kids is not a bad thing?
I really thought long and hard about having or not having children. Up until two years ago, I said the complete opposite. But, now, my husband and I find life fulfilling and I don't think we would regret the choice of not having kids. Besides, we are surrounded by incredibly lovable children in our lives. My god-daughter is simply delightful and I love to hold her and love her and just watch her eat. My husband's nephew is a wonderful newborn, so full of character and spirit already. I can't wait until the next time I can be with him again and watch him make the funniest faces. I enjoy reading my friends' blog about their son tremendously. LW is the same age as my nephew and he is so adorable, even though I have never seen this little guy in person. There are several babies and kids at church who light up my heart, too. So, yes, I love kids. But, no, I do not want one of my own.
1 comment:
I never really *specifically* wanted kids... in a vague way I thought about it but that's it. We weren't really trying either. I totally understand the desire to be child-free. At the same time I think there's something about having a kid that changes the way in which one loves kids. I love kids too, but there's nothing like loving MY kid. Of course, he is the most lovable kid ever :)
Never say never, never say always. Maybe God will change your mind sometime! And maybe not. Either way, I'm glad that you and D are loving married life!
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