Girls Just Want To Have

I started to read a magazine article today on how to have fun with my girlfriends. I became disinterested somewhere between holding a potluck and going for a hike. Reading the article actually made me feel sad and lonely. I know I have made some great friendships since moving out here seven months and seventeen days ago, but I still feel like I'm missing out.

Before I got married, I imagined holding dinner parties and casual get-togethers with friends and no longer having to worry about disturbing my parents. Now that I have my own house, I can do all that, but not as often as I wish. I'm not a social butterfly or even like to play hostess all the time, but I do enjoy the company of good friends. All my best girlfriends, including my sister, live out in Vancouver/Richmond. Although I keep telling myself that Mission is not that far away, the gas prices suggest otherwise, the Westcoast Express isn't always very convenient, and household obligations (ie. cleaning, grocery shopping, other house maintenance stuff) make weekends too short to go and visit. And when I do visit, it's usually to be with my family; I would feel guilty if I went to Vancouver and not visit my parents. So, that takes away time from hanging out with friends. Ironically, I saw my friends more when I lived in Vancouver in my parents' house than now.

The friends I have made here are in care group at church, but I'm not sure why I can't really connect with them. Maybe it's because a) I didn't grow up with them, b) I don't know the Fraser Valley as well as they do, c) We're ethnically different (they don't even know what congee or hot-pot are, but at least they tried and some liked the sachima I brought back from China), or d) I'm older than the youngest in the group by almost ten years.

Other friends I've made are from work. Most are male and as much as I enjoy chatting with them at work, they're still guys and I'm starved for female friendship. There is one girl at work who is incredibly nice, sweet, friendly, and intelligent, but she and her husband are outrageously busy so it's hard to get together with her, too. And well...work is work and it's hard to form lasting relationships unless I've worked in one place for a long time.

I've tried signing up for community courses, which I was successful only with Tai Chi, but when everyone sees each other only one hour six times per term and we're all busy concentrating on what we were doing, then it's hard to form friendships there, too. Plus, not being able to talk can hinder friendship-forming, as well.

Our neighbours are very friendly,but again, it's sort of like the work relationship.

By comparison, when I first joined the cell group in Richmond, I felt comfortable to be with them almost right away. Maybe being Chinese has made it easier for me to feel connected than I thought it had. I felt pretty close to one girl in particular and we actually shared the same last name (although, Em, you will soon be Lee-ving the Chan Clan soon), so I must be very racist when it comes to friendship. :) Well, there aren't a lot of Chinese people in Mission, but I had always grown up with a mixed group of people and I'd like to think that I can make friends with anybody, no matter what skin colour s/he has. People in Mission are so friendly, but I'm still feeling lonely. I think D feels it, too, although is less affected than I am because I'm more social.

Meeting D has also opened new avenues of friendship. When D introduced me to his close friends for the first time, I remember thinking to myself when I saw the girlfriend of one of his friends' (now his wife), "Finally, a normal person!" We clicked almost instantly and she is still one of my best friends. And she's not Chinese, so I can't really be racist when it comes to friendship. ;)

What makes friendship satisfying? Am I just too darn hard to please?