One of my colleagues asked me, "Do you cook Chinese food?" to which I replied, "The better question would be, 'Do you cook (at all)?'"
Almost every time I say that my husband is the cook in our family, I'm met with surprised and impressed looks. The men who ask me the cooking question look bewildered until I tell them that I pull my weight around by cleaning the house. The women who ask me the cooking question look bewildered and then either dejected or relieved when I tell them that I do the cleaning. Most women I know do everything around the house. One woman I know used to do everything while she was with her ex-husband. Now, she's with a much nicer man and when he tries to help out around the house, she gets fidgety because she feels like she should be doing something despite all his soothing assurances that she can just relax.
Although I believe the equality gap between men and women have decreased, I'm still incredulous to know that some relationships are still not all that equal and sometimes very far from it.
My own daddy has cooked for the family more than once in my lifetime. When I was about primary-school age, my mom had to work from 3-11pm and my dad worked graveyard. He would cook for me. My dinners usually consisted of noodles, rice and spinach, or, because my dad was a Denny's cook once, fried eggs with sausages. The next stage of cooking occurred after his retirement while my mom still brings home the bacon, no puns intended. She wouldn't come home until nearly 7 at night, so my dad would cook. His cooking included healthier stuff now, but noodles still reign supreme in his favourite menu choice. Other than that, my mom still does the cooking. I still remember when my mom left for a couple of weeks to go to Taiwan and my dad would cook, but his cooking was limited. Then my mom came home and when she saw that we had been eating refried (thrice!) chicken for the last two days, she immediately whipped up something very delicious, despite her fatigue. She even made it look fancy!
My parents try to set good examples for me; my mom showed me how to love through action while my dad showed me how to love through words. I think I'm fairly well-rounded because of them.
Speaking of loving parents, did I mention how grateful I am that my in-laws tolerate me in spite of my lack of culinary skills?
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I'm not very good at cleaning at all. I pick up, but deep cleaning like keeping every surface absolutely spotless is something beyond me. (I also happen to see it as a futile effort). i think it depends on what your definition of clean is. my husband grew up in a sterile household and his idea of clean means not having anything at all. (it also wasn't a happy environment) He has gotten over it though...but every month or so he might spend a weekend wiping the top frames of doors!
I do cook pretty well though, but it takes me ALL DAY. (we're fussy eaters and haven't found a 30 min meal we can both stomach)
We live in the middle of the city here as we did in yaletown so if we're really stumped, we just get takeout.
Equity and gender roles are a tough one, i think it depends on the situation. The person that comes home first might be coming home from a very high stress job, making them cook doesn't seem right me. if both have equal pressure, then i guess its a coin toss. I don't work, and my husband has a high stress job that he loves, so i do everything around the house to varying degrees of success (see the bit about cleaning). It works great for us, I always hated doing errands in vancouver while i was working.
-ellisa
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