How Many Days Left?

I can't wait for the planning to be over. I'm glad that I'm not currently working, so I could concentrate on the wedding details, though.

Speaking of not working, I am very, very appreciative for having this vacation period. So my upcoming rant is not about me not getting enough rest, but about people who misunderstand our status as teachers. I'm a little tired of having people "rubbing it in" about teachers not having to work summer, Christmas, and spring. Some people should keep in mind that we don't get paid during these holidays (why do you think there are summer school teachers?) and we are one of those essential service occupations that get paid far less than what we are trained for and what we encounter at work. I joke about how nice it is not having to work, but yesterday I got five snarky comments from four different people at two different times of the day about me not working, hence this rant.

Actually, I prefer work over wedding planning because at least at work, I have a controlled and predictable environment (as predictable as working with the youth can get). I know where everything is and because I had come up with the day's activities, I alone am responsible for what happens that day (well, the kids have a hand in the outcome of the day, too!). Wedding planning is fun, but unpredictable and nerve-racking. There are so many things that are out of my control. I know that sounds very Bridezilla-ish, but it's difficult not to worry about things I have to rely on others for. I'm trying to keep a sense of humour about everything, like the forecasting of rain on my wedding day. I'm trying not to let things, big or small, bother me too much.

I don't know how others view me, but I actually think I'm holding up quite well, better than I thought I would. It's the mothers on both sides that I think are more stressed about the wedding. They have ideas of their own, but they present them when certain things have already been set and then they get upset because we couldn't implement their ideas. So, when they stress out, they stress me out. I'm grateful for level-headed dads, or least indifferent ones. My daddy's keeping his mouth shut. I'm sure he has ideas, but he just dreads the day he has to give me away. "Losing a daughter" is not fun for him, but he knows he's "gaining a son" and a good one at that. Still, he looks at me with sad eyes and has been since D first proposed to me.

What has helped me (since happy pills are nowhere to be found) are my friends. I talked to all the members of my bridal party, except for one, and they have all been so supportive and encouraging, always offering to help, but giving me space to let me play and vent. A few friends from my old church have been extremely helpful as well with their advice and expertise in the roles I've given them. Siblings and cousins have also been reliable when I needed something done. Parents' friends have been generous in their cash gifts. But, another group of friends from my church have been lifesavers, especially C and Em. The group has rescued me at almost every step of the way during this planning process whether it be about flowers or favours, ribbons or rehearsal, photography or programs. I wish for everyone to have a core group of friends like these on whom they can depend. Most of all, talking to God is helping. It's like having a psychiatrist at my beck-and-call, but not having to pay a cent. That's a good thing considering this wedding (and the house) is gouging a deep hole in my wallet.