Forgiveness

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do." ~~ Luke 23:34

Bad days are the results of things that happen, and things that happen are the results of what people do. People who misunderstand. People who intend to hurt us. People who forget or neglect to do something. People who betray or violate us. Jesus teaches the secret of forgiveness: Forgiving those who hurt you is the key to not being permanently victimized by them. Whatever the initial impact of any offense you experience by others, your refusal to react, carry a grudge, or seek to retaliate in kind secures the high ground. But it must be as real as the Saviour's forgiveness, not merely an exercise in self-control.
~~ Jack Hayford in Praise in the Presence of God

I emphasized that last part because it helped me realize that sometimes, when I feel like I've taken the higher ground, it's an act of self-control, not because I had truly forgiven. I think about people by whom I was offended: bad drivers, a former neighbour, ex-boyfriends, co-workers, and parents of former students; I have to say that it's really hard for me to forgive these people.

I don't have much to say about bad driving -- some other people's driving habits irk me, but I don't think I sit and stew about it for the next ten years. The other people in my list, however, don't get off as easily.

A former neighbour was one of the reasons why my family moved out of the last neighbourhood. She didn't let kids play in the alley and she sics her dog on everyone who walks within two feet of her yard. She spoke kindly only to non-Chinese people; when she talked to our long-time neighbours, she was surprised that they were our friends. (They are an old German couple whom we adore and who always had kind words to say to us and did things for us. The husband built us a sundeck! So sweet.) She was patronizing when I tried to make polite talk with her and she gossiped about our family to other neighbours. She had moved into that neighbourhood only about three months before my family moved.

Ex-boyfriends. If you read an earlier post about me calling the police late at night, you could catch my drift on why I don't mind not seeing a few of my previous boyfriends.

Some co-workers have patronized me and made me feel like I didn't know anything. I remember a fellow educator (now retired) who chided me in my use of a comma while I was teaching a lesson to my students. She went on and on about grammar usage and when I showed her evidence later to support my use of that comma, she started telling other people that I was being arrogant.

Finally, parents. How can I forget the one who said that I was a Hitler sympathizer or the one who threatened to have me fired if I didn't give her daughter an A on a report, after she admitted that she did most of the work for her daughter? I can't forget the parent who complains constantly to the principal that I don't communicate with her about her kid's progress when every time I try to, she says "Oh, go talk to my husband about that. I don't know anything about (i.e. fractions, research reports, science fair projects)."

What a complaint fest. I feel better now. :) Dixie Chicks sang a song called "Not Ready to Make Nice" and the lyrics are "Forgive/sounds good/forget/I'm not sure I could." I've been told that I haven't forgiven if I haven't forgotten, but how do I do that? How can I forget words or actions that cause the scathing heat of anger and shame to rise in my cheeks today even after so much time has passed?

How do people forgive like Christ forgives? To imitate Christ in His love for all is a goal to be attained only after acknowledging His grace and mercy for me. I think the quote at the beginning of this post suggests that I need to rely on His power to help me forgive, not to rely on self-directed initiatives. I am nothing without Him, but everything in Him.

Dear Lord, help me to truly forgive as You have forgiven me and to listen to Your Spirit on how to move on. Amen.